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October 14 Ex Best FriendsI have been through quite a bit since Tuesday. It's been crazy, been through quite a few emotions because of my ex best friend, N.
N got married today. I didn't go to her wedding. I organized her hen's night, I offered to make some food for the kids who were going to be at the wedding, I even thought up of a bunch of things to do to surprise her today.... even though I have NO respect for her husband, A. Even though he is physically abusive to her, and also a repeat cheater, I still thought that I had to be supportive because she was my best friend.
But on Thursday, a woman named R, contacted N to say that A is cheating on N. I thought she needed to have support so I accompanied her to meet R. R showed us text messages from A, saying he regrets agreeing to marry N, but he has to go through with it because all the preparations are done. We also read emails from A to R, saying that he loves her, he misses her etc. All messages and emails were sent to R days before the wedding. N was devastated. She got so upset, she disappeared on me. I had her phone because I was texting A, telling him what an #^(#^(&^ *&#$^(*#^ (@#(*$* he was.
I phoned our friend S, to tell her that N was missing. We spent the next 5 hours worried sick, ringing all her friends and family, who didn't really seem to care that she was missing. The only other person that came to her rescue was her brother D. D called A and abused him on the phone... Then A asked D to meet him for a fight, because he wanted to punch his face. Guess what, A didn't turn up... because he was a COWARD. What a big surprise.
N finally phoned me, I burst out crying because I was so relieved to hear her voice. She was safe.... So S, D and I took N back to her place to collect all her stuff, so she could live with me for a while. I thought that I could help her cope, and help talk some sense into her. (She's gone back to him several times in the past after she found out about all his crap.) I wanted to make sure she was in safe hands, with people that wanted the best for her. Like me, her best friend (or so I thought).
N didn't eat all day Thursday and Friday. Instead of eating food, she took appetite suppressants. That really upset me because it was really stupid and unhealthy. Especially at a time like this, the last thing she needed was just chemicals in her system. I yelled at her and asked her what she was trying to prove? Starving herself like Ghandi? Did she think A would have done the same for her? Anyway blah blah blah... she ran away again, in her pyjamas, came back and we all took her to a counsellor (with S and N's boss). At the end of the counselling session, we were asked to go into the office. The counsellor said that N thinks we were "suffocating" her. That was like a bomb to me. After all the crap I went through FOR her... the 3 years of her ringing me in tears to tell me she's been hit, and he's cheated on her. Rushed her to the emergency ward on Tuesday on her hen's night, she threw up ALL OVER ME... while A took 2 hours to turn up at the hospital? .... And I was suffocating her?
D, her brother missed a work meeting to look for her. S took time off work to help her. I dragged my kids everywhere to help her, exposing my kids to this toxic situation. Oh, and to top it off.... AFTER she said I was suffocating her.... She had the cheek to ask where I would take her ON HOLIDAY so she could have a break??
After the counselling session, I was already fuming... I thought to myself... do I REALLY need to have her in my life? Do I really need all this negativity in my life? Some people hang on to certain friends because of the history they've had... but also because they FEEL like they need to hang on because they've just known each other for too long... for me, I think I was just so used to calling her my best friend, I forgotten that I have many friends that are so much more valuable than her. N loves to put me down, insult the way I dress etc. Yet I would spend hours trying to console her like when she told me A insulted her, by calling her "fat" in front of all his friends.
I don't know which is worse... That she has such low self esteem that she thinks all she deserves is this dickhead? Or that somehow a loser like A has been allowed to act the way he does, everyone seems to know about his violence and infidelity, but nobody seems to care. Maybe what's worse is the stupidity of her parents, allowing their ONLY daughter to marry a man that treats her this way. Her parents know how A treats her... HOW can they agree to this marriage? What kind of parent would allow that? What would YOU do if YOUR daughter was getting beat up or her husband was cheating on her?
S asked me if I was gonna go to the wedding. I told her NO WAY. Faith and Dan were witnesses to this whole saga. They asked me what happened and I had to explain to them why Aunty N was in tears. I told him the man she loves, beats her and cheats on her. They were so sad for N, they asked me why does Aunty N want to marry him then? If I go to N's wedding, what kind of message would I be sending to my two kids? I do not want Faith to think that her mom supports an abusive marriage, and I don't want Daniel to think that it's ok for a man to hit a woman. They need to know what I stand for and what I will not tolerate.
So anyway, I have decided that I have wasted my time on her, and vice versa. I am SO done with her, she is very toxic and I cannot allow her in my life anymore. I have reached a point where I don't need people to suck ALL my "good energy" out of me and replace it with their "bad juju". She has brought nothing but negativity into my life since she met that loser. I have spoken to my friends about this whole situation. I am glad to say they have all told me to cut her out of my life. They said she doesn't deserve me as a friend. On one hand, I thought, isn't this what best friends are all about? Accepting each other's flaws and being supportive, no matter what? On the other hand, we have grown so different that our core principles and values are so different. Do I remain her friend just for the sake of us being friends for 13 years? I think I have just been hanging on to the "idea" of us being best friends.
I know I sound angry and bitter... but if you had to listen to all her crap about this guy for 3 years, spend hours trying to help her and still, right at the end, she marries him anyway, you'd feel the same. I don't care about the sacrifices I've made, I don't even care about the time I've wasted on her. I just feel angry because women like her are the reason why there are STILL jerks like him around. She is the reason why he will NEVER change. A will always continue to hit her and cheat on her. That's a guarantee. Why? Because she has allowed it to happen so many times. Her life with him is like a B rated Hindi movie. How pathetic. Over the decades, women have fought for our rights, have died for our cause, just so we can have a say in this world, be allowed to have our opinions, to vote and to be equal. N has made their efforts look like a complete waste of time.
And as for men who think they can get away with abusing and cheating... well, their time will come. What goes around, comes around.
I don't care if N reads this. She knows this is not the first time I've expressed my feelings on my blog. And she sure as hell shouldn't be surprised because how I feel about her situation isn't new to her. Anyway, I have deleted everything I have of her from my life, I hope she does the same for me. I just CANNOT stand by and watch this happen to her anymore. Not when she cries and then breaks up and then goes back to him again. This cycle is getting really stale. I have only one thing left to say... when he beats the crap out of her again, or when another woman comes forward to say he's been cheating... well... I told you so. The difference is, she doesn't get to ring me and tell me all about it anymore.
This will be the last time you'll ever hear me talk about her.
Sharon
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